When I think of Ellen, I think of purple, obviously. How could anyone not? But I also think of Christmas lights – how she took me to see the ones at Kew gardens and we both got sentimental over glittering robins. Ellen doesn’t even like Christmas, yet there she was by my side – watching a light show, greeting the season.
I think of how we met – Twitter mutuals and teenagers on our way to Pride in London, randomly walking into the same crowded train carriage. We both had brown hair then. I think of Ellen’s shock and happiness as she recognised me. I think of how we kept bumping into each other in London, like something in the sky knew we were supposed to know each other better.
I think of being in Spain together in 2019 – how we walked along the coast, found pretty gardens, watched Glee. At one point, I found myself drunk, heartbroken, and on a supermarket floor. Ellen didn’t judge me, she never does. She didn’t judge when I realised I forgot my ID, just as we turned up to our friend’s 21st birthday party in central London – she laughed, and took the journey with me back to get it.
When I think of Ellen, I think of how she greets you with the biggest hug and before you know it, she’s picked you up and is spinning you around. And that’s joy. Like, real summer-is-finally-here joy. I think of someone who, in the midst of everything, knows how to be a good person, and be a good friend. Remembers love, and doesn’t let months or miles get between that.
I think of someone undeniably intelligent, who’s achieved so much so young, and continues to advocate for herself daily. I think of someone courageous – who’s experienced being openly queer when it was difficult to be; who sees comments from trolls and continues to show up online as her authentic self.
I think of someone unwaveringly kind. You’ll never hear Ellen bitch about anyone – it’s just not her. She speaks with empathy and wisdom, and gives people the benefit of the doubt, when most wouldn’t dare to.
I think of someone talented. Someone strong, in more ways that one. Someone who knows how to be calm. Someone conscientious. I think of Doctor Who – the references spilling out of her like she created the show herself. I think of dykes, and dogs, and the times she sends me penguin videos.
When I think of Ellen, I think of her love for the sea – as deep as the water itself. I think of her humour, her laugh, her singing as she browses bookshops. I think about how she’s a much better Virgo than me.
Did you know that Ellen wrote a book? How incredible is that. Let me write that again, with the emphasis it deserves:
Ellen wrote a book.
Not just any book – a heavily researched, important one: Outrage: Why the Fight for LGBTQ+ Equality Is Not Yet Won and What We Can Do About It.
When I think of Ellen, I think of pride. Not just because we met at Pride, but because I'm beyond proud of her – as a writer, as an advocate, and more importantly, as a brilliant human being. Because Ellen’s achieved a lot, but even when you take all that away, and think of Ellen, in her essence –
How could anyone not be proud?
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and buy her book xoxo
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