several months ago, i started connecting with my childhood self by giving her a different name — a suggestion from a friend who’s getting her master’s in psychology. it was surprising how instantly this helped me build a stronger relationship with my younger self, simply by signaling to my brain that i am, very much, a grown adult now and quite different in many ways. i sometimes think about what she would make of me today. the whole practice felt a little whimsical at first, but also genuinely meaningful. your essay reminded me of that experience. loved reading this one!!!!
god i loved everything about this piece. heard the word “whimsy” like it was a siren call and came RUNNING, stayed for every single word!!! i don’t know if this resonates with you, but i definitely grew up way too fast as a child (got called an “old soul” on several occasions and learned as an adult that this just meant i was emotionally neglected l o l) and can very much relate to feeling MORE childlike as an adult than as an actual child. i too wouldn’t want to go back to childhood now!! the freedom you describe!! YES!! the way you talk about seeing mountains and sunsets and nature!! MORE YES!! as a child it all feels like it’s supposed to be that way - as an adult, understanding the science and the reasons behind it all, it feels so much more surreal that we get to be surrounded by these small (and big) moments of wonder. love this and love u 5ever (ps us both mentioning skipping and cartwheeling in our pieces?? iconic of us truly)
oh my god this is amazing and beautiful. I was a very very anxious child-- something I only came to realize with some reflection in adulthood. And I am too an anxious adult, but it's more manageable because I now know what it is and how to sooth it, sometimes.
that being said, i relate to this sooo much and I'm so happy you put the feeling into words because I honestly didn't even know I was experiencing that till now. My anxiety took away the carefreeness that comes with childhood, and I do not want to go back to childhood, but I want to experience playfulness and fun and lightness now. love love love this!!! thank you sharing!
i’m sorry you’ve experienced similar feelings but it’s also so lovely to know people resonate! i also didn’t actually understand how anxious i was, and how it affected me, until i started to look back. thank you so much for reading and commenting 💗
i LOVE this so much, em!! this is so beautiful. we all should really cherish our childlike wonder. it’s something so special and pure. your writing is so inspiring. i always enjoy reading your essays.
There’s so much magic in that wonder youve managed to cultivate as an adult- plz never lose that!!! As someone who does often wish I could embody more child like play and awe as I’m sometimes afraid I’ve become too serious and adulty, nothing brings me more joy than being around friends who are SILLY and whimsy and playful. Reminding me that life is supposed to be fun.
thank you so much for reading Abby! it’s so situational as well because sometimes we really have no choice but to be serious and adulty. working on kids’ camps really showed me the importance of the balance between the two, particularly for the sake of kids and how they sometimes need you to be The Adult and other times they need you to meet them at their level more. and i do try to apply that to other aspects of my life as well. i also love how different friends can bring out different sides of us!
we really need to advocate more for children !! with the assumption that children are always happy and free and easy to take care of, their feelings, the ones that are non-conforming to the idea of what a kid should be feeling like, are always undermined and undervalued. they are much smarter than we adults think and feel so much more.
yes exactly this!!!! people are so dismissive of them. i worked as an LSA in a secondary school before and the conversations i had with kids were far more interesting than talking to my coworkers lol. thank you so much for reading
i love this perspective, everyone talks about missing childhood but there’s something about adulthood that lets you experience things more fully, more consciously. like we actually get to choose now, we can appreciate the small things without needing anyone’s permission to just exist and enjoy them. loved this em 🤍
Em omg I love everything about this and relate so hard!! I love getting to do childish things in my adulthood wholeheartedly (and often badly) and enjoy them so much more this time round because I gave myself permission to do them badly rather than worry about consequences I DIDN'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT because I was supposed to be being a kid.
absolutely love this piece. i relate strongly to every single point that is made. my teenage years felt so dark and empty, and as i've grown and matured i've gained so much whimsy and a deep love for life that i couldn't have had as a child.
> "I used to look at mountain scenery and think it was pretty, but as an adult, its beauty could physically stop me."
i relate to this quote on such a deep level, and 15 year old me couldn't even begin to imagine how little of an exaggeration it is
sounds like our teenage selves had a lot in common, and as do our current selves 🥺 thank you for reading and sharing your perspective, annie! i felt so alone in this feeling and it’s so comforting learning how others resonate
I feel very torn between wanting to reconnect to my inner child versus wanting to move very far away from her — but I think both are more alike that we would presume.
In fact, what we want to find in ourselves is playfulness and creativity and many children didn’t get to experience that — hence the need to differentiate ourselves from our inner child if, indeed, play wasn’t allowed in our homes.
For me too, getting older means gaining more childiness. I love being able to laugh, and create, and play video and board games, and write and sing and do everything I really wanted to do, or would have loved to do if those things would’ve been introduced to me when I was younger.
I love when you say that being an adult gives you more vocabulary to express your emotions and thoughts as well as more control over the situations that might cause discomfort and I couldn’t relate more! Indeed, I love being a grow woman, being able to move abroad when I choose to, to be a lesbian, to stay up late if I want to finish my book.
I love being an adult — not because it comes with dreadful administrative responsibilities, but because it gives me the power to choose to be fun, creative and playful.
A big yes to everything you said. I’ve never understood the widespread complaint about “losing childhood wonder”. If you want it back, go get it? The world is always right there to appreciate. Why waste a second of it?!
This made me smile so much, as your writing always does. I love everything about this <<<3
i absolutely love this piece. it resonates with me significantly, as i felt so similar as a child and carry the same perspective and goals as you now that i’m an adult. it’s amazing how control plays such a critical role in curating whimsy—i felt disempowered as a child, so i could never embrace feeling carefree. now, i can, because i trust my instincts and can give myself permission to do everything that felt so scary back then. again, incredible work!!
yes exactly that!!! like people often associate childhood with lack of responsibilities, which is true of many children, but i just can’t help but always think about the lack of power i had 🥺 so much of your life is in others’ hands when you’re a kid, and that just didn’t make me feel carefree in the slightest
several months ago, i started connecting with my childhood self by giving her a different name — a suggestion from a friend who’s getting her master’s in psychology. it was surprising how instantly this helped me build a stronger relationship with my younger self, simply by signaling to my brain that i am, very much, a grown adult now and quite different in many ways. i sometimes think about what she would make of me today. the whole practice felt a little whimsical at first, but also genuinely meaningful. your essay reminded me of that experience. loved reading this one!!!!
that’s so interesting!! never would have occurred to me how that could help, how lovely! thank you so much for reading ☀️
of course!! thank YOU for writing it 💕💕
god i loved everything about this piece. heard the word “whimsy” like it was a siren call and came RUNNING, stayed for every single word!!! i don’t know if this resonates with you, but i definitely grew up way too fast as a child (got called an “old soul” on several occasions and learned as an adult that this just meant i was emotionally neglected l o l) and can very much relate to feeling MORE childlike as an adult than as an actual child. i too wouldn’t want to go back to childhood now!! the freedom you describe!! YES!! the way you talk about seeing mountains and sunsets and nature!! MORE YES!! as a child it all feels like it’s supposed to be that way - as an adult, understanding the science and the reasons behind it all, it feels so much more surreal that we get to be surrounded by these small (and big) moments of wonder. love this and love u 5ever (ps us both mentioning skipping and cartwheeling in our pieces?? iconic of us truly)
yes can very much relate to the growing up fast thing!! yesssss. incredible accidental synchronisation this is why we love substack
oh my god this is amazing and beautiful. I was a very very anxious child-- something I only came to realize with some reflection in adulthood. And I am too an anxious adult, but it's more manageable because I now know what it is and how to sooth it, sometimes.
that being said, i relate to this sooo much and I'm so happy you put the feeling into words because I honestly didn't even know I was experiencing that till now. My anxiety took away the carefreeness that comes with childhood, and I do not want to go back to childhood, but I want to experience playfulness and fun and lightness now. love love love this!!! thank you sharing!
i’m sorry you’ve experienced similar feelings but it’s also so lovely to know people resonate! i also didn’t actually understand how anxious i was, and how it affected me, until i started to look back. thank you so much for reading and commenting 💗
i LOVE this so much, em!! this is so beautiful. we all should really cherish our childlike wonder. it’s something so special and pure. your writing is so inspiring. i always enjoy reading your essays.
thank you angel i appreciate you! 🫶🫶🫶
of course, em!! i love you ❤️
There’s so much magic in that wonder youve managed to cultivate as an adult- plz never lose that!!! As someone who does often wish I could embody more child like play and awe as I’m sometimes afraid I’ve become too serious and adulty, nothing brings me more joy than being around friends who are SILLY and whimsy and playful. Reminding me that life is supposed to be fun.
I do love me some temporary tattoos though!!
thank you so much for reading Abby! it’s so situational as well because sometimes we really have no choice but to be serious and adulty. working on kids’ camps really showed me the importance of the balance between the two, particularly for the sake of kids and how they sometimes need you to be The Adult and other times they need you to meet them at their level more. and i do try to apply that to other aspects of my life as well. i also love how different friends can bring out different sides of us!
we really need to advocate more for children !! with the assumption that children are always happy and free and easy to take care of, their feelings, the ones that are non-conforming to the idea of what a kid should be feeling like, are always undermined and undervalued. they are much smarter than we adults think and feel so much more.
yes exactly this!!!! people are so dismissive of them. i worked as an LSA in a secondary school before and the conversations i had with kids were far more interesting than talking to my coworkers lol. thank you so much for reading
i love this perspective, everyone talks about missing childhood but there’s something about adulthood that lets you experience things more fully, more consciously. like we actually get to choose now, we can appreciate the small things without needing anyone’s permission to just exist and enjoy them. loved this em 🤍
thank you so much, Adan 💜
god I love everything about this. as adults, we choose to continue to wonder (despite so many things sometimes) and that can make it even more special
yes!! I think the act of choosing it really makes it more meaningful 💜 thank you for reading!
Girl, i love this!!!
thank you!!
this is so sweet and endearing 🫶🏻
thank you, lovely!
Em omg I love everything about this and relate so hard!! I love getting to do childish things in my adulthood wholeheartedly (and often badly) and enjoy them so much more this time round because I gave myself permission to do them badly rather than worry about consequences I DIDN'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT because I was supposed to be being a kid.
yessssss!!! 🥹
absolutely love this piece. i relate strongly to every single point that is made. my teenage years felt so dark and empty, and as i've grown and matured i've gained so much whimsy and a deep love for life that i couldn't have had as a child.
> "I used to look at mountain scenery and think it was pretty, but as an adult, its beauty could physically stop me."
i relate to this quote on such a deep level, and 15 year old me couldn't even begin to imagine how little of an exaggeration it is
sounds like our teenage selves had a lot in common, and as do our current selves 🥺 thank you for reading and sharing your perspective, annie! i felt so alone in this feeling and it’s so comforting learning how others resonate
I loved this piece !
I feel very torn between wanting to reconnect to my inner child versus wanting to move very far away from her — but I think both are more alike that we would presume.
In fact, what we want to find in ourselves is playfulness and creativity and many children didn’t get to experience that — hence the need to differentiate ourselves from our inner child if, indeed, play wasn’t allowed in our homes.
For me too, getting older means gaining more childiness. I love being able to laugh, and create, and play video and board games, and write and sing and do everything I really wanted to do, or would have loved to do if those things would’ve been introduced to me when I was younger.
I love when you say that being an adult gives you more vocabulary to express your emotions and thoughts as well as more control over the situations that might cause discomfort and I couldn’t relate more! Indeed, I love being a grow woman, being able to move abroad when I choose to, to be a lesbian, to stay up late if I want to finish my book.
I love being an adult — not because it comes with dreadful administrative responsibilities, but because it gives me the power to choose to be fun, creative and playful.
yes!!!!!! thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment i’m glad you get it <33
A big yes to everything you said. I’ve never understood the widespread complaint about “losing childhood wonder”. If you want it back, go get it? The world is always right there to appreciate. Why waste a second of it?!
This made me smile so much, as your writing always does. I love everything about this <<<3
thank you so much for reading Georgia 💛💛
i absolutely love this piece. it resonates with me significantly, as i felt so similar as a child and carry the same perspective and goals as you now that i’m an adult. it’s amazing how control plays such a critical role in curating whimsy—i felt disempowered as a child, so i could never embrace feeling carefree. now, i can, because i trust my instincts and can give myself permission to do everything that felt so scary back then. again, incredible work!!
yes exactly that!!! like people often associate childhood with lack of responsibilities, which is true of many children, but i just can’t help but always think about the lack of power i had 🥺 so much of your life is in others’ hands when you’re a kid, and that just didn’t make me feel carefree in the slightest
Emily, I loved this. I relate so deeply 🩷 thanks for putting this into words.
I’m truly so glad people resonate 🥺💗